Ruptures in relationships are a natural part of relational cycles. When we do repair work after ruptures have occurred, our nervous system learns that repair is possible and that conflict is safe. On the other hand, when we repeatedly experience emotional abandonment after ruptures, our nervous system learns that repair isn’t possible and that mistakes, mishaps, miscommunication, and messiness are unforgivable, casting us out of sacred union and threatening the sense of tribe that our systems are hardwired for.
In truth, relational messiness is where growth occurs. We do not grow by armoring up and ignoring our strongest emotional reactions in favor of intellectual reasoning about who is right and who is wrong. Growth is directly proportional to our willingness to be vulnerably in our bodies with our sensing feeling world. In not abandoning the aliveness within ourselves or the aliveness of the other, we show up in not knowing. We show up in shaky spaciousness, open-hearted and curious about what the relational field is trying to teach us. We allow it to smooth out our historic wounds of emotional abandonment while inviting us out of the trance of unlovability, deepening our capacity to love and be loved, even in the messiness of it all.
Art by Zero 2024
Comentarios