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Trust is Granted Not Earned

Updated: May 1

Our internal process about trust is based on past experiences, much of which have been experiences of disappointment, disconnection, and hurt. We learn to erect barriers of self-protection to stay safe; leaving us guarded, insecure, and untrusting.


We can’t begin a relationship without trust. If we do, we’ll expect the other person to continuously strive to earn our trust so that our sense of security is in tact. An unsustainable dynamic for sure. Trust is not so much earned as it is granted. A choice we decide to make and a chance that we take.

What if we granted our trust to others as we enter relationships?

What if we were willing to be vulnerable?

To assume the best of people?

To expect the best from people?


We will most certainly get hurt, be disappointed, have our trust violated, have our wounds touched, and be broken open again.


And afterwards, we can get our asses up and dust them off, offer ourselves love and soothing, and then we can keep opening and taking the risk of allowing another to matter.


If we go on expecting the worst, we’re very likely to get it. But if we stay open, the possibilities are endless. In the words of Einstein, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” We’re all entitled to choose our own universe. I choose the friendly one where my trust can be granted, my capacity for vulnerability is cultivated, and risks aren’t threats.

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